Well today was good. at some points i hated the day. then the one hour came that i saw what i wanted to see. that just made my day. i cant wait for that hour to come again tomorrow and so on. through the work days. I feel as though, something was wanted to be said to me form that one person. she looked over opened her mouth, then shut it and turned back she stared towards me, and i was hoping she said something. but its not always like that. silent between us. we do talk.

    But there is something that makes me worried. i dont know if she is free. i see with some other person, but never in that way. just talking. i hope its just talking. i wanna ask her, if she is free but i think i dont have the cajones. I think i do know a way to ask that will seem like me. The way she knows me. Ol' happy-go-lucky me. Not ther desperate guy who is obsessed with a person.

    I  just find it hard for people to get more close to me the way i am. The personality i have. Always joking and laughing. Being everyones Friend(well trying to be). I just cant figure it out. I'm lost, and dont know what to do. What to say, or...just everything. Only i had some help. Friends that could just show me the way. My frineds i guess never experienced that. They dont have a Clue on what to do. They'll just laugh when i ask them. Not saying they are bad perople. Heck they are the best ones you want to know. Guess they feel awkward with that subject. Everyone is i guess. Not wanting to come out with what they really feel. not being able to say what they want to say. Scared of being laughed at. Fingers being pointed at them. Break down the door, buddy. They'll laugh but will aslo come back for you and help you. Just say what you feel about that someone.

    Well i guess this is my coming out. telling people my thoughts. trusting they wont laugh. Instead they will help me. God, i hope she doesnt have a clue on what I'm planning to do. because i dont even have a clue on what I'm gonna do.